I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
