Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
