God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
