Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My vagina is officially offended.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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