best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
