Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
