I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
