ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
