where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
