I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
