I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
