I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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