She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
