I accidentally burped into my bong.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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