the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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