You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize