Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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