Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize