The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
