singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
