really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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