Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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