and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
