wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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