So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
