I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
