I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
