All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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