dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
