Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize