Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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