im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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