I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
