this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
