you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
