My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
too bad you live with your parents still
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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