i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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