I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
