so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
