so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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