i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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