We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
