I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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