so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
