his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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