she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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