what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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