So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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