he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
