I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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