pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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