the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
