I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
