11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize