I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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