I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
