I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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