I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
