Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
