I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
