Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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