I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
