I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
