Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
