Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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