I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
