the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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