She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
