I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
