I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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