Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
